Abandonment

Introduction

Many children from Ethiopia were adopted “as abandoned.” That means that there was no family information provided on the adoption paperwork. In place of Ethiopian parents’ names, the word “abandoned” appears.

“Abandoned” and “Abandonment” are harsh words. Some synonyms of abandonment and abandon are forsake, leave behind, walk out on, desert, discard, neglect, betrayal, renunciation, rejection, withdrawal, forsaking, discontinue, surrender, resign, and so on. The connotation is overwhelmingly negative. Opposites of abandonment are reclamation, recoupment, recovery, retrieval, repossession, recuperation, and redemption. Opposites of the verb ‘to abandon’ are keep, maintain, continue, retain, support, and cherish.

Those of us deeply familiar with adoption hopefully understand that, in the adoption context, the word abandoned means only that “there is no information about the child at the time of adoption,” or “no information about the child has been provided.” Much is left unspoken. Missing is all the information prior to the time the child came into the situation in which he or she finds themselves. What follows is that we cannot in fact know if the child was literally ‘left by the side of the road’ or ‘left in the bushes’ (as was the case in many Ethiopian adoptions). We do not know if the child was willingly left or if they were taken. We don’t know if the mother passed away. We cannot know single thing about the child’s family or situation from the word “abandoned.” But, because of the contextual and literal meanings of the word, the routine conclusion is that an abandoned child was unwanted.

This is, however, not an accurate description of what happened for many supposedly “abandoned” adoptees. The word abandoned is wrong. It’s a bad choice. Not only do we not know anything about the intentions of the parents of an ‘abandoned child,’ the status “abandoned” was often fraudulently used to get an adoption pushed through more quickly. There was no one there to contest it, after all. Ultimately, we cannot know the intention of the parents or the cause of the lack of background information until we talk to the mother or close family.

So, pragmatically speaking, we can understand that “abandonment” is purely a technical classification used for adoptions that occurred without any background information provided, and it is the fastest way to say, “an adoption with no background information.” But it’s a terrible word, and we need another one.

“Left to be found” is a phrase I’ve heard in the Chinese adoption context, but it is not comprehensive enough, and it implies a story we cannot verify. I have come up with some phrases that could be used interchangeably with “abandoned:” unaccompanied child, child disconnected or separated from their parents, child with no background history on their paperwork (remember, they do have a history; we just don’t know what it is), and voiceless child, because there is no concerned adult to speak on their behalf. “Given up” implies knowingly relinquished, not abandonment or being left. “Adopted as abandoned” is a phrase that works, as it does not put the onus on the mother as the abandoner. “Adopted as abandoned” or “listed as abandoned” are the phrases I like best right now because it shows with a ‘wink, wink,’ that “abandoned” it’s often a lie.

For our organization’s purposes, “abandoned” is a technical term that we understand to mean: a child with no background information provided at the time of adoption.

Reasons a Child could be Listed as “Abandoned”

First, we must stipulate that; until we have spoken to the mother, father, or closest relative; we cannot know that a child was truly “left” or “abandoned,” and if they were, we cannot know the reasons. Remember, we know nothing, and we have been told nothing. Best not to assume a story. However, we can discuss some possible, and even common, scenarios in the Ethiopian adoption context. How did we come up with this list of possibilities? It is based on our 10+ years of experience reuniting adoptees with their families, many of whom were adopted as abandoned on their paperwork.

A Discussion of Some “Abandonment” Scenarios

In cases where a child was actually left or abandoned, the primary reasons are poverty, social stigma, and lack of resources. It is a strong taboo for women to have children out of wedlock in Ethiopia. They may be shunned and kicked out by their families, thus leaving them with no support or resources. Safety nets are few and far between. This is not something done on a whim. It is an action taken out of desperation. In this situation, the child may be left with a friend, relative, or employer; at an orphanage; at a police station; or in a common area where they can be found.

However, there are cases where an adopted-as-abandoned child was not really abandoned, but was the victim of bad actors. In this situation, there are other reasons the child could be labeled abandoned. I will list a few here:

• • • A family member or friend takes a child to an orphanage without the mother’s knowledge or consent. They report that the child was found abandoned, mother unknown. This could be done out of a sense of misguided help for the mother and child or for some amount of compensation from the orphanage, etc.
    • The mother or relative gave the child to an orphanage for temporary care. Then the orphanage had the child adopted abroad without permission as if abandoned, but the child was essentially stolen or trafficked.
    • A mother agrees to allow a family member to say they found the child abandoned, or a mother may say she found the child abandoned.
    • A relative or friend took and left the child somewhere for their own reasons.
    • The agency and orphanage processed the case as an abandonment regardless of how the child was first brought into the orphanage. We can understand that in these cases, the foreign adoption agencies generally looked the other way and relied on orphanages to determine the adoptability of the child. Local administrations and police were often involved. This was done because it is easier to get a child labeled as adoptable if they are abandoned.

As a side note, it is always interesting to me that in Ethiopia, people we interview on searches often have strong ideas about where the mothers are or came from. For example, “all the mothers came from X university.” But at the same time, they state that they never found or met any of the mothers. While there might be a higher number of abandonments in certain places, the whole concept of a child being abandoned means that you don’t know how they came to be in that situation. Ditto for international adoption agencies that tell adoptees and adoptive parents that a child was unwanted or that their mother was probably a prostitute (the list of possibilities is endless). The abandonment background stories hypothesized by the general public are equally as negative, completely without basis.

Why are Abandonment Search Cases so hard to Crack?

          There are many “abandoned” children with no leads to finding their family. Nothing in the paperwork at all, and seemingly no one who remembers anything about the child. One very special “abandoned” child is the reason my organization exists. Abandonment cases can be stubborn, regardless of the reasons the child was listed “as abandoned” (with the meaning ‘no information on their paperwork’). Some reasons for this can be:

• • • The police who are called to a finding spot about a child are more concerned with the immediate care of the child than recording evidence for a future search. When most adoptions occurred, they had no idea the children would come back later to search for their parents.
    • The mother doesn’t want to be found and does not easily come forward. This is rare in our experience, but it does happen. This can happen because the mother is protecting her current life. This situation must not be taken lightly; women can have few options in Ethiopia, especially in rural areas (lack of education, low paying jobs, dependency on male family members, etc.). From our experience this is related to survival rather than how they feel about their child who has been adopted.
    • The mother was transient and is no longer in the “abandonment” area.
    • Poor record keeping by authorities at different levels (orphanage, police, agency).
    • The mother could have died and no one else knew about the child.
    • Someone such as a relative, police, agency, or orphanage worker is hiding nefarious deeds
    • And so on….

Roadblocks in Searching Abandoned Child Cases

We can conclude that many children were adopted “as abandoned” for the convenience and job sustainability of the people processing the adoptions on both the foreign and Ethiopian sides. But there is another reason that should not be overlooked: that is that most Ethiopians would agree that it is a wonderful thing to go abroad, even a dream come true. For this reason, it is hard for many to see the cost adoptees have paid for this ‘privilege.’ It’s truly unthinkable to have to choose between health/education/food and family. But we do often hear the sentiment that the child should just be happy to be abroad, and, ‘why are they searching? Let them stay abroad.’ The unstated truth here is that this way of thinking may have influenced orphanage workers along the way to make it easier for a child to have a good life abroad by cutting them off from their past, thereby enabling them to be adopted as quickly as possible. This is a situation of good intentions, bad outcome. Some adoption personnel on the western side refer to it as, “getting them out [of Ethiopia].”

When searching, many orphanages do not cooperate in sharing files of adoptees with us or even with adoptees directly. They may see our organization as a threat that could expose mistakes or wrongdoings, even though it is not our mission to expose them; our mission is simply to reunite adoptees. Unfortunately, for orphanages and other authorities, any type of cooperation, even after the fact, could be seen as “participating in fraud” if the adoption were to be found illegal or unethical. Orphanages may revert to “privacy of the child” in order to maintain plausible deniability in the research process: We don’t know anything, and we can’t share even if we do.

Regarding adoptees getting their own paperwork, we have even seen orphanages that require them to be in Ethiopia to see their documents! It is obviously a heavy burden for many young adults to have to come up with the funds to travel without even knowing if information about them exists. That is why we have a team in Ethiopia to ideally help the process along and speak for rights of adoptees in their absence.

Conclusion and Hope

Abandonments are solvable through DNA, and we are working to test all the Ethiopian mothers/close family we can who have no information on their children. We also verify all found relatives with DNA (unless the adoptee remembers them). This addresses two issues: it verifies the match we have, and it puts more folks in our database who may later match with another adoptee. Some as-abandoned cases can be solved because there is tracing information available, meaning the child was not strictly abandoned but rather left with someone known to them who may have been afraid to say it at the time of the adoption. We, Beteseb Felega – Ethiopian Adoption Connection, have also found quite a few families of “abandoned” children through our Online Database and have confirmed them with DNA.

          In conclusion, abandonment is not always what it seems. The missing information is what is important, not the simple status of “abandoned.” Finding the parents of an adoptee is the only way to get their true history.

Resources:

Ethiopian Adoptee DNA Project

Search for your Ethiopian Family